Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Just Today's Reflection...

So, now I'm leaning away from just blogging about the 101 because sometimes there are other things to talk about.

I went to see a psychic the other day. I have been feeling so unsettled herelately. Not quite satisfied with anything and not quite sure why. Usually I can handle a variety of tasks on my plate with disorganized ease, just my Gemini way I guess, but more and more I have been rebelling against my inner nature and shutting down to an extent. Some would say this is the point at which breakthroughs take place...maybe. I hope so, its scary to think you may be entering a new phase of yourself that is not conducive to achieving the goals you have set for yourself.

Well, anyway, she was on point in a lot of ways. Telling me and confirming things that i already knew Now, some use that as a way to discredit what psychics do, but the fact that I did not know this woman from a can of paint, and that she was able to tell me about me specifically lends itself to validation for me.

She gave me a lot to reflect on...one point was that she stated that i am stifled creatively and that's the reason for my dissatisfaction. That the way i obtain balance in my life is to have my creative needs satisfied. Sometimes it feels like more work to incorporate creative outlets into the tide of day to day than to just go with the flow of obligation and responsibility. You even begin to doubt the enjoyment factor of the things you claim to "love to do" just for fun the longer that you are away from them. I used to be able to read for days on end, I could plow through novels, stay up all night to finish one. But I noticed, as I let the days to-to list fill in all the gaps, I was not able to sit still for a moment to enjoy the written word. I kept thinking about all the other shit that I should and could be doing. I decided, for a moment, to devote some time each night to reading, and my endurance began to build up again. Note to self: get back at it. Make that appointment with myself to do some reading each night.

And my poetry...
and my digital art...
and my collages...

It seems selfish to devote more of my already limited time to these individual pursuits but I have faith that this is the way to go. Heard it too many times as one way to be healthy.

The other reflective point was on relationships. She said I do have a relationship coming (in 6 to 9 months (WTF?!)), however, it will be a "learning one" (didn't sound very hearts and roses!) and to be sure not to be "relearning things that you already know." That has really thrown me! It is hard not to throw the veil of previous relationships over those that you are embarking on, even though we know that's not fair or effective. And of course now, every move I make will be run through the filter of "is this a repeat lesson, or is this a new and innovative, clean slate approach?" But she also mentioned to calm my mind down because it never ceases. To rely more on intuition...I have some growing to do!!

Well, we'll see how this pans out.

Every day is an adventure.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

#50 Mammogram and #101 Finishing This List

Scheduled for April 2nd! It is a shame that I have put this off and put this off. Every time SOMETHING seems to come up. But that is really no excuse to put my health on hold in this way. If I want to create this new, loving relationship with myself, my health is a huge part of it. I wonder why it is so hard for me, us, people...to do the "right" things. And I do feel it is a challenge. How much time do I spend writing about, thinking about, and imagining what I should be doing? I think that is one of the reasons projects like this 101 in 1001 are popular. Successful? that's another story! I have been going through the Day Zero sight a little and checking out other's lists...one requirement is that you start a blog or have the list publicly accessible in some way...and so many peeps are motivated for a minute (for some its just the creation of the list!)and the entries quickly fall off. I am going to keep looking for some other 101'ers to follow.

Speaking of the list itself, its interesting to read what folks have on their list. I see some that I believe are way too absract or severe for success. The key to change is slow, steady, and gradual. You have to sneak up on your ego, it wants everything to stay exactly the say. Its a form of protection. If the items of the list do not seemingly pose a threat to the ego, you just might get them done! Or, use the "how to eat an elephant" methodology...(one bite at a time). 101 "little" things can add up to a great new and improved you. And that's another common thread. (I think. need to reasearch more.) Most folks lists seem to revolve around self-improvement, not just 101 willy nilly "things to do" (buy something red, eat a tuna fish sandwich...) although completing such a list would probably still bring a certain amount of satisfaction and a feeling of accomplishment I guess. I wonder if it is possible to create a list without intention (but then that would be the intent...I philosophize way too much).

Sunday, March 22, 2009

#91 Prevost

Done. Too bad I had to clean out some friendships along the way as well. But, in the end, my girls came through for me in all ways. I have learned some lessons the hard way, recommitting to discernment, and that its ok to say NO!

#32 Finish Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy

Finally!!! I did it!!

#80 Vegetable Garden

So, I started taking this urban gardening class and had to miss a few. So, now I will not get a certificate at the end! Boo. I mean, its not really that deep, because I realize I bit off more than I could chew, as usual, with school and all. I have to get my priorities in order. So, if I miss a few, I miss a few. At least I made a move in the direction of the farm. And, I'm still on my way there. But, I have to be balanced and realistic about what I can and cannot do. I have my children and mother to care for, and getting my BFA out of the way is the focus. I will be back to this item before 1001 is up, but for now, its on the back burner.

#43 meet Patrick in 2009

Ours is a story that underscores the journey.
The destination has not even been revealed.
A story to be savored and enjoyed,
every step of the way.

#69 Senior Seminar Class

Some of the 2009 Collection - Middle Passage Scarf 1 & 2, each 7.5 x 18; digital collage

#62 Help John with GED Prep

I loaned him my big old GED book. Probably will never see it again. I checked in with him the other day and got this big old long speech about how he's done with education after he does this GED thing because he's got big plans to get paid in this music industry and having a cleaning business like his mom. I understand how our young men and women don't feel that the educational offerings are relevant, I agree. But, what about working the system in which we find ourselves? You can't play monopoly with checkers rules! Oh, well. I wish him the best and will continue to check in on him from time to time.