Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Time flies when you don't tell lies!


OK, so I dropped off the face of the earth for a minute there. That is what self-checks are about! I have a lot to update here and will do the best I can. I am also wondering if to re-do my list would be cheating? Some of that stuff I don't think I WANT to do anymore...hmmm. oh well, We'll see.

Saturday, August 8, 2009

#42 Burgers N' Fries

Thanks to the blog Cupcake Takes the Cake, we decided to try a little Saturday Sweets!!





Brownies take a lot of work!





A LOT of work!






Fill 1/4 full for the "burger"







Yellow cupcake "buns"!!







Assembly line ready! Order in!!







A wee burger is born!







"Lettuce"





"Ketchup and Mustard"





Slim sugar cookies making like fries!






Order out!!





Dessert is served!!

Monday, August 3, 2009

Radical Notion

Hmmmmmm.

All you have to do is remove things from "the list" in order to experience being exactly who you ARE. You can just redo the list. Maybe you've done all that you need to, learned all that you're going to, gone all the places you should have. Imagine, rewrite the list with all the boxes checked! You are THERE, you are DONE.

How does it feel?
What would that list look like?

Could you then relax and just BE? Take each day as it comes? Move as you are so moved? Moment by moment, confident you are exactly who you are intended to be?

Satisfied.

Sunday, August 2, 2009

#43 - Blanks Out Again

It's just not going to happen. And its all good.

#37 - Made good on that scrabble date with Lillian

And we had a wonderful time! I admire this 89 year old woman so much. A thrice married fellow Gemini, she is as energetic and lively as anybody half her age. I had some trepidation about the meeting spot (the coffee house in Ferndale) because I did not realize it was opening day of Rosie O'Grady's and the street scene was on bump! I thought she may have had trouble finding the place (it is a bit obscure) or that parking wouild be a challenge. But no, she beat me there, with her smart white suit and crisp summer straw hat, Scrabble board in tow (she always has it in the trunk, you never know when a Scrabble opportunity might present itself!!) A. met us there and we had a delightful time over soup, sandwiches, and coffee. Oddly, a woman who was there kept looking at us and looking at us. She finally came on over and said she admired our relationship and how good we looked, and she was moved to come over because her 100 year old mom was sick and she was very worried abotu her. She thought Lillian and I were mother and daughter. Lillian expalined that no, we are friends! and I added that we used to work together and were also both Geminis. Well, this woman was a Gemini too!! We had a good laugh and shared some philosophical insights on everything from men to politics. I will be sending her some Social Fourum information, she was/is an activist as well...

Anyway, we played until 10:30 pm!! It was a great, high scoring game, the likes of which I have not been able to repeat with M. (But he cheats...) We walked Lillian to her car and bid farewell. I hope to do it again soon, but feel really good that I made good on that promise finally!!

Saturday, July 11, 2009

Update of Sorts

Have been out of the loop for quite some time now...my computer crashed and burned, don't know if I'll be able to retrieve the stuff off of my hard drive or that "favorites" list I had so painstakingly compiled. Oh well, I'll try making the most of a fresh start. Fresh starts and reboots, all the way around. I have fallen by the wayside, backslidden, relapsed, got off of the wagon...anyway you want to slice it, I have moved away from the Who I Was in April. Allowed myself to get distracted in an unhealthy way. So, I am starting over with the vices, disentangling endless mind loops that are stuck on stupid. Thankful for another chance, that there was one more wish stuck in the bottom of the genie lamp. I'm experiencing one of those painful growth spurts but know that it is necessary and that I will come out on the other side as a better person. Reevaluting myself and the people I allow into my circle, acknowleding the need to move inward, revisit boundaries and the spiritual goals I am wanting to set. Taking the word "friendship" and holding it up to the actual thing and seeing if they even remotely resemble each other, does one fit the other? And does that definition work for me:? Too many times, friendship has been closely linked to dissappointment. And I know those that you care about will manage to dissappoint you and hurt you, some of that pain is self inflicted because you bypassed or ignored your screening process, boundaries, experience, and intuition in the formation of that relationship. Sometimes going backwards is progress.

#67 Pay Off Car - Goes to Black!!

Yep, the cute-a-bug is mine! I jsut have to get the title from the Secretary of State and take it for them to release themeselves as the lienholder! yAY! Frees up some cash too although I have already spent this month's "free up" at The Little Black Dress...gotta stay up outta that store! :)

#34 Reading my own books

This won't count toward the overall 20 because it is a re-read. Still...

Seraph on the Suwanee Seraph on the Suwanee by Zora Neale Hurston


My review


rating: 4 of 5 stars
This is a re-read for me, I wanted to find the present day slang that is used in this 1940's book about the early 1900's. Its interesting to me the way sayings such as "fly" and "hitting a lick" have survived. The book itself is enjoyable, but I found Arvay to be SO frustrating in her insecurities, but, I could understand where she was coming from and how, a lot of times our ignorance will cause us to cut off our noses to spite our faces. I appreciated this exploration of communication, and how it can go awry. I wonder what it takes to effectively communicate? One of THE hardest tasks!!! Although it's a love story with deep roots, there is a thread of violence interwoven with religion, power, and poverty. An enjoyably complex book that I will re-read again.


View all my reviews.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

#70 - Graduate!!!

Holla if you hear me!!! I did it, I did it, I did it! I can hardly believe it! To be able to check getting my BFA off of "The List" is tremendous and it really has me thinking about this list and my bucket list and how all of these things are possible and doable and it doesn't matter how much time it takes, slow and steady wins the race! I can accomplish all that I set my mind to! This has been soooooooo long in coming, a lot had to do with allowing myself to be distracted, other things life just had in the cards and had to be dealt with. This feels like a new 21, a new grown and sexy. Time to marinate on this accomplishment a bit, but, more importantly, what is the next step? I feel like a samuri warrior with a sword that can cut through the fog and the bullshit in order to step into my greatness. This is not about overconfidence, this is manifesting destiny! Stepping forward in a calm and collected version.

Monday, April 27, 2009

#69 - SENIOR SEMINAR IS GOING TO BLACK!!!

Yes!!!!! Today I handed in "The Package" of all of my work. Unfortunately, since I had the hospital thing going on, I now have to get a note from the doctor verfying that I was not able to attend the faculty review and he will waive that. Its sort of a letdown, because I did want some faculty input...not enought to do the other option (which I will have to if I cannot for some reason get this note, but we are not even claiming that!!!) of taking an incomplete to finish the class in the fall!!! No! Like I said, we are not claiming THAT!! I'm marking this baby to the black! Tomorrow I need to make a rash of graduation related phone calls about diplomas and cap and gown pictures (for mom, she has to have that picture!) I am just going to proceed with optimism and all will go well. I am so happy!!!

Saturday, April 25, 2009

Days Without Smoking - 11! And Acupuncture :)

So, of course getting sick was the impetus, but still...11 days is 11 days! And, I went to acupuncture for the first time yesterday and I feel GREAT!! It was nothing like I imagined it to be, sort of a forced "Time Out". Let back the recliner, smell the aromatherapy, take in the soothing sages and warm oranges of the walls, (Listen to the others who are in the midst of their treatment snore!, take a nap, wake up REFRESHED and refitalized. Your Qi runneth over! I highly recommend this to everyone, no matter the malady. A balanced Qi is a step in the right direction.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

#34 Read 20 of my OWN books!

The Shack The Shack by William P. Young


My review


rating: 3 of 5 stars
Interesting setting to ponder some of the paradoxes of life and living in Spirit. I found a lot of good points to revisit. May read again.


View all my reviews.

The Da Vinci Code The Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown


My review


rating: 4 of 5 stars
The mystery itself was "OK" but, as an artist, and one who is intrigued by conspiracy, symbology, history, and the divine goddess/sacred feminine, those elements really appealed to me and got me interested in further research around those topics.


View all my reviews.

Pay Attention to the Purple!

It's easy to mark something "in progress" and mosey on down to road to "in progress" something else. Its something else to FINISH or ACCOMPLISH the "in progress"! For example, I have not been doing ANY situps! Just because I did for a few nights straight, is that still "in progress"? I think that I will do an "In Progress" report later and may have to change some of them back to black. Sorry, but if you can't be honest with yourself, then you're lying to everybody!! (I made that up!)

Peace!!

Reel Me In!

OK, I am laid up for this week because I had an odd (and very scary) episode last week where my blood pressure shot up sky high and I began experiencing vertigo. Now, you want to talk about scared? I thought I was having a stroke! I ended up in the hospital for a couple of days and am basically tied to the house now because the mere thought of driving in a car makes me want to throw up! (The 10 minute ride I took yesterday, did.) I feel basically OK when I'm laying down, but, as I tool around here wandering from the bathroom, to the kitchen, to the computer, to the bed, the dizziness revs its engines. I'm thankful for this laptop that I'm sharing the sheets with! We have been getting along great! I have been working on my job's website and blog a little, have been doing some media related research, and getting excited overall about getting better and getting back to the trenches!!

The header for this post, however, reminds me of my "Mile Wide Inch Deep" syndrome. Like I said, I absolutely love mining the internet for jewels and gems and am never dissappointed. Its what to DO with all that information that stymies me. My "favorites" list is bulging at the pixels, threatening to spillout all over the top of my desk, and I sure as hell don't remember what all those "favorites" are! (Hence #13 on my 101 list!) Part of it is learning to relax and trust that the information will be there (somewhere on the world wide web) when i am in need of it. I need to give the smackdown to my inner packrat!

Then I get all overwhelmed to the point of inertia. Too much input. After I have skipped around admiring websites that I thought would be good design examples for our work site, finding a ridiculously cool website about eco-urban planning (Center for Urban Pedagogy), downloading a gold mine of Second Life Curriculum from the blessed and generous rezed.org,I began to research how to do a Podcast! Needless to say, I need to reel it in! After flirting with mashups and twibes in the virtual pick up joint, and deciding to learn how to make blog templates (cuz I am just not feeling this one anymore, no offense to anyone...), I fell back among the pillows exhausted, head pounding, palms sweaty!

Whew! That called for a cup of Sleepytime and a few whiffs of eucalyptus oil!

But you know what? I feel good. I feel excited again about this project called Me. And as I step back and give the Universe room to do its thing, I am basking in the glow of anticipation. When I am back on my feet, I WILL hit the ground running! (ok, ok, at a steady marathon type pace, not a sprint!)

Sunday, April 12, 2009

NaPoWriMo#12 - Itinerary




Itinerary


Let’s welcome the morning into our bones,
breathe Detroit into our entwined limbs,
wash our laundry in rice milk and Vernors.
Pack a lunch of your south wind lilt
and dusky sweet Arkansas jam from
plums full of stolen summertime,
drive east down Woodward
with apple blossoms in my hair
and a honey bee halo,
trainspot on the perfect rooftop,
guess where the graffiti is going.
Take the MacArthur Bridge to Hog Island,
throw genie lamps in to Scott Fountain,
worship painted turtles.
Throw flower bombs into the leftover shell of Tiger Stadium
so our story can bloom as wild flowers
and bring pleasure to a stranger’s day.
Dip our toes in Grand River flowing west,
I’ll tell you about ‘67
and the difference between riot and rebellion.
Drive in Venn Diagrams
and stake our claim on the commons.
Let’s hole up in Baker’s and
watch Jabari play the drums.
Eat chicken wings and wish on green stars,
skip Petosky stones across the skies.
Unfold a crisp new map
slide our palms across the cool miles
and enjoy getting lost in
legend waiting to be written.

_________________________________________________________________________________
Notes: The prompt

napowrimo #12: where do you come from?
Another Sunday, another day of (poetic) introspection … .

So, where do you come from? The mountains? The plains? The city? Do you come from spaghetti on Sundays? Brown bag lunches? Do you come from shag carpeting and plastic slip covers on the sofa? Cows out the kitchen window? Do you hail from noise and congestion or stars and silence?

Today, think about where you grew up. The country, the state, the town, the street, the house, the bedroom, the bed. Be specific. Be sensual (as in capture the smells, the sounds, the taste, the scratch of your towels without fabric softener). Write a poem that shows where you come from in all its unique glory.

Saturday, April 11, 2009

NaPoWriMo #11.5 Just Your Average Saturday at the Coffee House

The stranger in front of me invites intimacy.
His crotch is at eye level and I shamelessly

admire the shadowy dust that lines his belly
with a delicate circular dent. Would he

welcome my thumbs pressed upon his skin,
tracing creation to where his jeans begin?

His arms reach up to receive “Heaven’s Call”
he removes the miniature landscape from the wall,

piling the picture with the rest that lean softly.
He moves on down the row, I go back to sipping coffee.

______________________________________________________________________
Notes: So, I'm minding my own biz at a tiny table in the Java Hut and this dude decides its a good idea to reach over my table to get his artwork off of the wall. I look up from beneath my hat brim and come face to face with the anonymous manhood...no "excuse me" or anything. Trips! LOL!!

NaPoWriMo #11 Pot of Gold Haiku

Make rainbows of true
colors, not pigments of the
imagination.

NaPoWriMo #10 - We Who Are Not Afraid



We who are not afraid
drape gauze about our heads
and meld into a room full of strangers.

Kissing each other through our masks,
anonymity suspends judgement.
The better of us, gotten by curiousity.

The soft scrape of an ace
on a black jack table,
this time it might be exactly what we need.

Possibilities, endless like fingerless
gloves, groping in the dark
trying to make out the shape of feelings

with frostbitten fingertips,
still sore from touching toward love.
As the seamstress, missing her thimble,

sips crimson consequence
released by a careless steel point
plunged into the soft pad of her thumb,

or the patch of burn left on tongue,
from scalding hot Godiva lurking
beneath a cool froth of cream,

we who are not afraid
stitch on,
sip on,

carry on.
Striking the flint repeatedly,
inviting the nimble spark

to pass through cold corridors,
into the corners, beyond the quicksand,
through the backs of wardrobes,

We tuck the looking forward to
into the cracks, inflating the sails for yet another
maiden voyage.

Notes: really don't dig the title...need help.

inspired by the read write prompt "Thrift Store" where we were to take something from another source as inspiration (supposed to be the actual text, repurposed but exercising my poetic license, I used a photo from the book "I Seem To Be A Verb" for this...)

NaPrWriMo #9 -Paradise




I’m thinking of ambrosia
and all things golden
like sun soaking into my locs,
and the cool whipped yellow
of raw honey drizzled
on hot biscuts,
kissing through crumbs,
sticky pineapple juice,
delicious apples, and the tart
swirls at the end
of a good chardonnay,
bubbles in champagne,
the afterglow on our skin,
when we make love for
breakfast.

_________________________________________________________________________

Notes: This is just the beginning, i want to turn this more into an ode.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Boy do I have a LOT to blog about!!!

When will I have time to discuss all that has been going on! I think the catch phrase is "next level", aligning my own daily actions with my thought and purpose. An all new "To Do" list is in order, or at least I am aware of the discrepancies! More on this later!

Day#5 - Basement Beatitudes

Basement Beatitudes

Chapter 1 Verse 1

Sitting on a milk crate in the basement, sipping on amber
through a haze of first hand smoke and second hand clothes.
The furnace kicks on and breathes life into gaudy boas of
tinsel,metallic caterpillars that snaked through artificial
evergreen and heirloom ornaments of brittle colored glass,
remnants of holidays past. Under the stairs sits the four foot
tall lawn Santa I used to dance with and sing to, in front of
the smoky mirror, practicing “Star Love” endlessly for the
Gong Show. Surely if Cheryl Lynn could do it, so could I.

Chapter 1 Verse 2

My back rests against the cool deep freezer, Depression era hope
chest. It hold mostly unrecognizable lumps of frost and ice
crystals now, no more Eastern Market bounty or leftover
family reunion cake. The top won’t stand up by itself anymore
from late night covert phone call missions, and the tension of
awkward straps and buttons being tugged loose. We accommodated
our curiosity as only the young can, by doing. Smoking cigarettes
and spitting in the wash tub, we made up dance routines to Ashford
and Simpson. There was no stopping us.

Chapter 1 Verse 3

In a dry cleaners bag are carefully wrapped sprigs of baby’s
breath, dried from weddings gone by. Marriages that have since
died long slow deaths from anniversary to anniversary. The
shelves are stacked with muffin tins and crockery that used to
centerpiece family dinners. On a nail in the wall hang my
roller skates, the pom-poms disintegrating into a burgundy dust.
(My pom-poms matched my wheels, which was about as good
as it got at Northland Roller Rink.) I discovered the hard way,
that I’m no good at skating backwards.

NaPoWriMo#8 - Charming Haiku

Willingness to kiss a
stranger, has its benefits.
Ask any toad.

NaPoWriMo#4 - Chalkboard Circus

Chalkboard Circus

The ring leader cracks the whip
and the public address system
springs to life.
Jagged edged announcements,
sprinkled with threats, snare
the senses like the slide of
a trombone.
Bang the drum!
Ring the bell!
Beautiful creatures emerge
simultaneously from crowded cages,
lions, tigers, and bears dressed in finery,
holding tightly to hopes
kept on short strings.
The march orderly,
rounded up for the assembly
by rubbernoses and air horns,
insults and mockery.
They leap gracefully through
fiery hoops, looking back at
their tormentors, snarling.
Ready to break free until
they see the daring young man
on the flying trapeze
shot down for trying to fly.

Dedicated to BJ and savage inequalities everywhere

Saturday, April 4, 2009

NaPoWriMo #3 again Playing House

Playing House - Tritina

Ours is a game I’ve decided not to play
anymore, rearranging furniture in this house
and stitching samplers of imaginary memories

In between cracked, sepia toned memories
the background music begins to play
thin strains of “There’s a Stranger In My House”.

And, because our love lives in a glass house,
it shatters from having to share
its rooms with rock-throwers at play.

We play house instead of home and
share only memories of broken dreams.

NaPoWriMo #3 Celibacy Haiku

Couldn't get with the concept or number three yet...so here are three lines:

While fasting from sex,
I discovered you weren't more
than a hunger pang.

Thursday, April 2, 2009

NaPoWriMo #2 - Secret Storm





Secret Storm

A nimbus gray sky speaks foreboding,
the shade of old limbs, aching with memory.
Dense clouds swell with unspoken words,
fog protectively clings to her lips,
precipitation collects at the back of her throat.
She’s so quiet, he’s so calm.
Nostils flared with premonition,
they can smell it in the air.

Brewing in the stomach’s pit.
the wind whips suppressed sentiment.
Dirty laundry flaps empty arms
and, one by one, the layers of lies come loose.
With lightning rod elocution
she turns and spews twin volts of truth.
The current cauterizes his smoky tongue.
It will never strike this same place twice.


_______________________________

Notes: Today's assignment, stretchy metaphor

Take 5 nouns and verbs associated with one area and use them to write an extended metaphor about another subject.

Mine was storms and communication

Inspired by the old soap opera title "Secret Strom"

#50 - Smoosh the Boobies!! Done!!

Well, I must say, I've had better fun in other places! But,I'm so pleased to have taken this step. It has only taken me two years to do the damn thing. Life tries its best to get in the way sometimes, or we get in our own way! It is so hard not to have an advewrsarial relationship with yourself. We know the things that are good for us, but we are conditioned to want other things. Or swell up with resentment that we can't or shouldn't have certain things (Hump, who is he to tell ME i can't have ice cream? or I'll smoke when and where I feel!)because so much of who we are revolves around an illusion of freedom, or at least a misconception.

So, with my own health and self as an interest project, I got the boobies smooshed today and hopefully all will be well!

Napowrimo#2 - Stretchy Metaphors

"Here’s today’s challenge: find five verbs and five nouns from one subject area, and use them to write about another subject. My son had this assignment in his college poetry class, and he culled his words from biology and then wrote about technology. The idea is to create an extended metaphor in a short poem, of maybe ten to twelve lines."

recycle
compost (noun and/or verb)
compost bin
hybrid
global warming
invasive species
environment
organic
green (anything)
eco-friendly
enviro-
wind turbine
nature

hmmm...

circus
big top
balloons
lion tamer
tightrope
wild animals
cages
caging
trapeze
ring leader
cheers
whip cracking
rings of fire blazing
mistreated
abuses
showcasing
lions, tigers, bears, elephants
dressed in finery
monkeys in dresses
how many clowns can fit
rubber noses and blow horns

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Burning Bowl - NaPoWriMo #1



Burning Bowl

She blends right in.
into the solemn lines of women
advancing from the north,
south, east, and west
from roads commonly travelled;
desire lines are well worn paths through time.
she blends right in.

slip of paper in hand
hope in heart
desparately seeking release and relief
names written over and over
one for every “if only…”
trying to fit every regret and disappointment
on the ridiculously tiny scrap

along with rages and weary troublesome thoughts
that stick to the cerebellum
like cave dwellers
digging their tiny feet into synapses
firing on repeat
gray bats resting in their chambers
startled into flight by the bright light

as the ladies stick lit candles into their chest cavities.

the walls alight to show remnants of
cuneiform conversations
etched on clay tablets
their longings and lonelys spindle as stalactites
extending endlessly from the ceiling

if only she had said no
if only she had said good by
if only she had gathered her boundaries around her
and politely declined
if only she had remembered the lessons already learned
if only her parted thighs sent up smoke signals
instead of siren’s cries

the hieroglyphics tell the story
“There was a fire here”
Where feelings used to burn so brightly,
white hot, daring reason to intervene,
there is now just the charred remains
and scripted promises on flash paper
as each is dropped into the burning bowl

They take up arms lifting their clean slates to the sun
sage smudge sticks and damp grass swirl
smoky tendrils signaling the end of retrospection
and the beginning of their healing
giving permission to breathe again
leaving behind names spelled out
in a never-ending thread of ashes.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Notes: My list of 5 things in front of me was

candle
ashes
thread
needle
rain

I considered a needle of rain, a thread of rain, a rain of ashes, and a thread of ashes. Challeged myself not to use rain, so thread of ashes it is!!

Inspired by reflecting on a New Year's Burning Bowl ceremony I attended.

napowrimo #1:

napowrimo #1: let’s get it started, and, poet, can you spare a word?
Welcome to National Insanity Poetry Month! We’re going to start off easy.

Metaphor.

The definition that I like best is “two disparate things yoked together to create new meaning.” Not sure where I heard that — might have been a professor, might have been a drunken poet … . Either way, it’s an apt description!

Right now, at this very minute, list five things in front of you. In front of you being a relative term: on your desk, on your arm, out your window … . Choose the two most disparate things and yoke them together into a fabulous metaphor. Now, use it in a poem.


candle
ashes
thread
needle
rain

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Just Today's Reflection...


So, now I'm leaning away from just blogging about the 101 because sometimes there are other things to talk about.

I went to see a psychic the other day. I have been feeling so unsettled herelately. Not quite satisfied with anything and not quite sure why. Usually I can handle a variety of tasks on my plate with disorganized ease, just my Gemini way I guess, but more and more I have been rebelling against my inner nature and shutting down to an extent. Some would say this is the point at which breakthroughs take place...maybe. I hope so, its scary to think you may be entering a new phase of yourself that is not conducive to achieving the goals you have set for yourself.

Well, anyway, she was on point in a lot of ways. Telling me and confirming things that i already knew Now, some use that as a way to discredit what psychics do, but the fact that I did not know this woman from a can of paint, and that she was able to tell me about me specifically lends itself to validation for me.

She gave me a lot to reflect on...one point was that she stated that i am stifled creatively and that's the reason for my dissatisfaction. That the way i obtain balance in my life is to have my creative needs satisfied. Sometimes it feels like more work to incorporate creative outlets into the tide of day to day than to just go with the flow of obligation and responsibility. You even begin to doubt the enjoyment factor of the things you claim to "love to do" just for fun the longer that you are away from them. I used to be able to read for days on end, I could plow through novels, stay up all night to finish one. But I noticed, as I let the days to-to list fill in all the gaps, I was not able to sit still for a moment to enjoy the written word. I kept thinking about all the other shit that I should and could be doing. I decided, for a moment, to devote some time each night to reading, and my endurance began to build up again. Note to self: get back at it. Make that appointment with myself to do some reading each night.


And my poetry...
and my digital art...
and my collages...

It seems selfish to devote more of my already limited time to these individual pursuits but I have faith that this is the way to go. Heard it too many times as one way to be healthy.

The other reflective point was on relationships. She said I do have a relationship coming (in 6 to 9 months (WTF?!)), however, it will be a "learning one" (didn't sound very hearts and roses!) and to be sure not to be "relearning things that you already know." That has really thrown me! It is hard not to throw the veil of previous relationships over those that you are embarking on, even though we know that's not fair or effective. And of course now, every move I make will be run through the filter of "is this a repeat lesson, or is this a new and innovative, clean slate approach?" But she also mentioned to calm my mind down because it never ceases. To rely more on intuition...I have some growing to do!!

Well, we'll see how this pans out.

Every day is an adventure.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

#50 Mammogram and #101 Finishing This List





Scheduled for April 2nd! It is a shame that I have put this off and put this off. Every time SOMETHING seems to come up. But that is really no excuse to put my health on hold in this way. If I want to create this new, loving relationship with myself, my health is a huge part of it. I wonder why it is so hard for me, us, people...to do the "right" things. And I do feel it is a challenge. How much time do I spend writing about, thinking about, and imagining what I should be doing? I think that is one of the reasons projects like this 101 in 1001 are popular. Successful? that's another story! I have been going through the Day Zero sight a little and checking out other's lists...one requirement is that you start a blog or have the list publicly accessible in some way...and so many peeps are motivated for a minute (for some its just the creation of the list!)and the entries quickly fall off. I am going to keep looking for some other 101'ers to follow.

Speaking of the list itself, its interesting to read what folks have on their list. I see some that I believe are way too absract or severe for success. The key to change is slow, steady, and gradual. You have to sneak up on your ego, it wants everything to stay exactly the say. Its a form of protection. If the items of the list do not seemingly pose a threat to the ego, you just might get them done! Or, use the "how to eat an elephant" methodology...(one bite at a time). 101 "little" things can add up to a great new and improved you. And that's another common thread. (I think. need to reasearch more.) Most folks lists seem to revolve around self-improvement, not just 101 willy nilly "things to do" (buy something red, eat a tuna fish sandwich...) although completing such a list would probably still bring a certain amount of satisfaction and a feeling of accomplishment I guess. I wonder if it is possible to create a list without intention (but then that would be the intent...I philosophize way too much).

Sunday, March 22, 2009

#91 Prevost

Done. Too bad I had to clean out some friendships along the way as well. But, in the end, my girls came through for me in all ways. I have learned some lessons the hard way, recommitting to discernment, and that its ok to say NO!

#32 Finish Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy




Finally!!! I did it!!

#80 Vegetable Garden

So, I started taking this urban gardening class and had to miss a few. So, now I will not get a certificate at the end! Boo. I mean, its not really that deep, because I realize I bit off more than I could chew, as usual, with school and all. I have to get my priorities in order. So, if I miss a few, I miss a few. At least I made a move in the direction of the farm. And, I'm still on my way there. But, I have to be balanced and realistic about what I can and cannot do. I have my children and mother to care for, and getting my BFA out of the way is the focus. I will be back to this item before 1001 is up, but for now, its on the back burner.

#43 meet Patrick in 2009

Ours is a story that underscores the journey.
The destination has not even been revealed.
A story to be savored and enjoyed,
every step of the way.

#69 Senior Seminar Class





Some of the 2009 Collection - Middle Passage Scarf 1 & 2, each 7.5 x 18; digital collage

#62 Help John with GED Prep

I loaned him my big old GED book. Probably will never see it again. I checked in with him the other day and got this big old long speech about how he's done with education after he does this GED thing because he's got big plans to get paid in this music industry and having a cleaning business like his mom. I understand how our young men and women don't feel that the educational offerings are relevant, I agree. But, what about working the system in which we find ourselves? You can't play monopoly with checkers rules! Oh, well. I wish him the best and will continue to check in on him from time to time.

Monday, February 16, 2009

#90 Find My Sewing Machine

Well, it really was find the cord to my sewing machine. Both items, though estranged from each other, were at my old house on Prevost. Which is #91 and a LONG sad tale taht I will start to share in the next couple of days as my emotions settle.

Long story short, the cord has been reunited with the machine and the two have been relocated to a safe haven in my current home! Now, to DO something with it!

Monday, February 9, 2009

#69 Senior Seminar

In looking over what I submitted for the Artist's Statement, I'm thinking the second half would have been sufficiently autobigraphical...all that "I Remember" blather may not have been necessary nor appreciated...

The best of my artistic intentions have always been selfish, struggles to find myself within the lines of a poem, the froth of a dishpan, the eyes of my child, the pixels on a LCD canvas. I float to the top of stereotypes. Black and white swirls mixed with Scottish Stewart tartan and African Kente cloth. I held myself up to the light, trying to fit my outline into those of the women in my family, and later, the women I saw on television, in advertisements, and movies. Identities tried on and discarded. Somewhat fearful of getting to the bottom of the heap and there being no one there. Shape-shifter, moving mercurially through moments of juvenile mockery, corporate anonymity, marital monogamy, displaced singularity. An hourglass filled to the brim with grains of laughter and longing and questions seeking a voice. Straining to be heard above the din of the mundane. Phoenixing. Drowning in the mainstream, shards of glass rain down from the ceiling. Straining to hear the voice inside of me as it slowly succumbs to conformity. I plant apple trees in Eve’s orchard so women can be wise beyond mere knowledge. Excavation, through silt and sediment, so my children can have fortune, or just a future. This splitting open of myself so that others may learn. Seeking the comfort within my own skin, peeling back layers of artifice, shamelessly admiring the beauty in my flaws, placing myself under the microscope, under the knife, under the mouse. These are the voices that scream or whisper through my work . The voiceless cry out amidst the entanglement of responsibilities, relationships, and roles. Pressed upon digital leaves are collages of scar tissue and promises. My nightmares and daydreams live for women who have adversarial relationships with their reflections and retreat into their own shadows, women who slit their wrists and bleed freedom.

#69 Senior Seminar

Assignment #2 - Description and Themes. Describe one or two of your better pieces, and then write a bit on the themes that your work encompasses.

Here's what I am turning in tonight:

Description and Themes of my work:

“The Fall of Our Youth” is a digital collage that was assembled from scanning autumn leaves and metal pieces from my son’s erector set and combining them with vintage fashion images of models clad in torture-chamberesque corsets. The headless model in the foreground sports a full metal jacket that asked the viewer to consider the lengths women have gone and will go to for the sake of “beauty”. The border of leaves refers to the seasonal aspect of a woman’s desirability in American culture. The work was created using a soft, inviting, purple palette to underscore the deception involved in the subset matter. In another digital collage, “Instruments of Change”, a child receives instruction from the essence of woman, portrayed by a juvenile hand plucking a fistful of red-matter from the exposed cranium of a woman’s head in the foreground. In the background, amidst the shadows, another woman pauses by an open door, afraid to exit. The viewer is asked to ponder the contradiction. This work was composited from an onion, dried moss, text and photography. In future composite works, I intend to experiment more with found objects, self portraits, 3D collage and experimental video collages.

American cultural ambivalence, gender stereotypes and social roles inform my work. Each piece is assembled from fragments of the everyday, the objectification of women and culture in general, African-American women and culture in particular. They are meant to encourage the deconstruction of media images and the development of social consciousness through discussion and analysis. These works, as they continue to evolve and take shape, create one possible pathway for following a belief or behavior back to its origin. Themes include poetry, religion, myth, music and daily human ritual.

#69 Senior Seminar Class

Artist's Statement - Autobiographical Sketch:

OK, this is what I turned in. Its too long, he only wanted one page. Oh well. Tonite I think we will get it back and I'll let you know what the results are. He's kind of a hard-nose so I don't expect to be flattered. Its all good, I am started to rev up about making some more art!!

Shades of Gray – Autobiographical Sketch

I remember coming home from kindergarten and tearfully demanding to know
“What am I?” and my parents dutifully and idealistically telling me “human.” To which I replied, “Well, that’s not what the kids are school are calling me!” I remember crossing my fingers and praying any group of new found friends would not call me “white girl”. I remember thinking some kind of alarm would go off every time I went into the Shrine of the Black Madonna Bookstore. I read into the curious expression of the sales lady, “You don’t belong here.” I remember when being light-skinned was in style, I remember when it wasn’t. I remember pulling up a club in downtown Detroit and asking the white valet “How’s the party?” He replied, “It’s pretty crowded, but I gotta’ tell ya’, its mostly Black people.” I remember my first corporate job, where my co-workers took bets on what ethnicity I was, the answers ranged from Greek to Hawaiian, anything but Black. They felt comfortable telling me this. I remember, after the births of my two children, going through my old, undersized clothes and deciding which ones to give away and my husband commenting “I liked you as a [size]10.” I remember how practical I thought it was to have an SUV for hauling my art supplies. I remember how practical having Dr. Marten combat boots was for trudging through the snow on campus. I remember my husband asking me if he should get me girlfriend next. I remember how cutting my hair off opened the fissures in my ten-year marriage which ultimately led to its destruction.I remember sporting a huge Angela Davis style afro when visiting my mother (Black) in the hospital. She proceeded to explain to the white nurse, who had a bi-racial granddaughter with “hair issues”, how I had beautiful hair once and that now, I just messed it up. I remember getting sent a drink in a bar on the East Side of Detroit by a Black man. The message the bartender relayed was that “it was for the nappy headed white girl.”

The best of my artistic intentions have always been selfish, struggles to find myself within the lines of a poem, the froth of a dishpan, the eyes of my child, the pixels on a LCD canvas. I float to the top of stereotypes. Black and white swirls mixed with Scottish Stewart tartan and African Kente cloth. I held myself up to the light, trying to fit my outline into those of the women in my family, and later, the women I saw on television, in advertisements, and movies. Identities tried on and discarded. Somewhat fearful of getting to the bottom of the heap and there being no one there. Shape-shifter, moving mercurially through moments of juvenile mockery, corporate anonymity, marital monogamy, displaced singularity. An hourglass filled to the brim with grains of laughter and longing and questions seeking a voice. Straining to be heard above the din of the mundane. Phoenixing. Drowning in the mainstream, shards of glass rain down from the ceiling. Straining to hear the voice inside of me as it slowly succumbs to conformity. I plant apple trees in Eve’s orchard so women can be wise beyond mere knowledge. Excavation, through silt and sediment, so my children can have fortune, or just a future. This splitting open of myself so that others may learn. Seeking the comfort within my own skin, peeling back layers of artifice, shamelessly admiring the beauty in my flaws, placing myself under the microscope, under the knife, under the mouse. These are the voices that scream or whisper through my work . The voiceless cry out amidst the entanglement of responsibilities, relationships, and roles. Pressed upon digital leaves are collages of scar tissue and promises. My nightmares and daydreams live for women who have adversarial relationships with their reflections and retreat into their own shadows, women who slit their wrists and bleed freedom.

Friday, February 6, 2009

#51 Quitting Smoking





Yes, days without = 6!!! And that goes for wine too (see previous post)!! I am feeling really good about this accomplishment because I sincerely believe that I will only spiral so high with this deadly vice attached to my Divine self!

It makes me misty to think about the hand drawn signs my daughter has posted around the basement (my smoking spot). The first set featured crayon skulls and crossbones, and a "No Smoking" sign and a large X cut out of looseleaf paper. These were taped on the shelf above the deep freezer, where I keep my pack and lighter.

It broke my heart to see the next round of signage. Apparantly, she realized I was not obeying the "No" in No Smoking, so she made a sign that said "OK, you can have you fun on the weeks we're not here (i have bi-weekly custody) but when we are it can only be every other day!!! Tues, Thurs, and Sat." It made me sad to see her trying to work with me about my my bad habit. Now, I will be honest and say, that is NOT the day I decided to try quitting again. That would have been a nice little bow tied story wouldn't it? No, I caught a cold. And I don't smoke when I'm sick (because for me its social - hence the wine accompniament) and when I started feeling better, I just decided I don't want to reintroduce this to my life. I realize I may have to change my social habits for a while too. But, I'm looking forward to embracing different things to do to release stress besides the bar or picking up a bottle of wine. Like trying new teas...developing new, healthy rituals for alone time and for when I'm with my children.

So, tonight I am splurging on a dinner with then at one of our favorite little holes in the wall. Its been a while and I want to celebrate my week SMOKE FREE!!!



The above is African Voodoo Chai, a gift a sistren gave me for Kwanzaa, and it is so delicious!! I have incorporated it into my morning rituals of writing and reflection. With a little raw sugar and soy milk, yum!!!

Sunday, February 1, 2009

#69 - Senior Seminar Class

Assignment #1 is an artist's statement...here is my rough, rough, rough draft. Might as well qhronicle all this right?! LIke I said, IT'S ROUGH. Give me until the second or third rendition to give input.

ARTISTS STATEMENT

Its taken me a while to identify that which motivates me toward my work. My work floats to the top of stereotypes: Black, white, mixed, woman, daughter, mother, wife. Other. Exoticised. I float to the top of stereotypes. Black and white swirls mixed with mother’s daughter’s wives…Stewart tartan and Kente cloth.

Identities tried on and discarded. Somewhat fearful of getting to the bottom of the heap and there being no one there. Shape-shifter, moving mercurially through moments of juvenile mockery, corporate anonymity, marital monogamy, displaced singularity. Giving birth to borrowed time. An hourglass filled to the brim with grains of laughter and longing and questions seeking a voice. Straining to be heard about the din of the mundane. Phoenixing. Drowning in the mainstream, shards of glass rain down from the ceiling. Straining to hear the voice inside of me as it succumbs to responsibility. I plant apple trees in the Eve’s orchard so women can be wise beyond mere knowledge. Excavation, through silt and sediment, so my children can have fortune, or just a future. This splitting open of myself so that others may learn. But dissecting a frog in death will never tell you of her leap, or her life (or does it?).

Bucking against little prescribed packets, I tend to do things backwards. Seeking the comfort within my own skin, peeling back layers of artifice, shamelessly admiring the beauty in my flaws, placing myself under the microscope, under the knife, under the mouse. These are the voices that scream through my work, or whisper. The voiceless that cry out amidst the entanglement of relationships, and roles. Pressed upon digital leaves are goals and promises. The best of my artistic intentions have always been selfish, struggles to find myself within the lines of a poem, the froth of a dishpan, the eyes of my child, the pixels on a LCD canvas. My nightmares and daydreams live for women who have adversarial relationships with their reflections and retreat into their own shadows. Women who slit their wrists and bleed freedom.

Frontline female, revolution gestating within warm women folds, feeling the universe move within my womb. Content with the confines of the limitless boundary in the mind.

Saturday, January 31, 2009

#43 - Meet Patrick in 2009

Will become "This space intentionally left blank." for a sincere, interesting person to fill it, whom i will meet in 2009. For ALL of the sincere, interesting people I will meet in 2009. I will not, however, be meeting Patrick. The plan was to visit...this has been after years (yes, years!) of internet conversation, a few phone calls here and there, and, although there was some irregularity, the general building of a friendship with a possibility for a deeper relationship. Call me naieve and you would be correct. I am always imagining the best, fabricating details that project people onto larger than life pedestals. But the Universe always has my back, gently removing rose-colored glasses so that I may gaze upon reality. So, when I came upon the discrepancy in the details, I was not 100% surprised. What did surprise me was his decision to "plead the 5th", and to never speak of it in our subsequent conversations. So, i got tired of feeding the elephant...

Monday, January 5, 2009

#33 - Finish Bill Strickland Book




Done!! As of tonight!! I will admit that i took so long to read it, that i feel i need to go back and read the first half again...and i probably will one day. But, i did get a great deal of inspiration from the book and feel like i really would like to go there and check out his set up. His philosophy sounds a lot like mine, maybe i will do a more indepth write up or treat it like a research paper source and make some index cards. But he presents it in a way that sounds "too good to be true" sometimes, attributing it to not being afraid to dream big, and when a big dream goes askew, dream bigger!" I'm going to try it anyway. It was a good thing to be reading as I am trying to stoke the fires of my passion and get back in the "zone, flow, swing" whatever you want to call that place where passion thrives on overtime status!!

I'm spending some time visualizing what i think my ultimate goal/life's work is. Revisiting the Pixar/Piney Woods idea (The name will be Vandelea Studio and Sustainability Farm)rekindling, reshaping, reintroducing myself...and making the effort to hear my heart speak and guide me Divinely. Allowing patience!!

That's the motto of 2009 Patience and Passion!!

#55 Lose 10 Pounds (the first 10)



OK. The real is about to come out:

Calories in a Bottle of Table Wine
(5 Servings)
• Dry White (e.g. Sauvignon Blanc, Chardonnay): 550 calories
• Off Dry (e.g. Reisling, Chenin Blanc): 590 calories
• Muscat: 650 calories
• Dry Red (e.g. Syrah, Pinot Noir, Cabernet Sauvignon): 570 calories
• Red Bordeaux: 580 calories
• Red Burgundy: 600 calories
• Red Zinfindel: 570 calories

I can drink a bottle of wine by myself and have been doing so regularly for a minute!! No wonder I am not losing weight the way i would like! I am about to steer clear of the spirits man! Especially during the week. It's easy to say, "I'm going to go home and unwind with a glass or two of wine..." but, that leads to three glasses or more...these extra calories are a meal!! Not to mention the expense as I had called myself wanting to be somewhat of a connoisseur, I began to creep up into the $20/bottle category (not that price is the only thing that matters, but...Shotfire Shiraz? Yum!!) Anyway, facing up to the facts that my body not budget can support such a habit. I will enjoy it more if i save it for special occasions anyway! So, as a reminder, I am posting this, as well as pasting a copy in my journal.

Here's to skinny sobriety! Peace!!

Friday, January 2, 2009

#46 Have a Frida Kahlo themed self-portrait party




I read about this cool idea in the magazine Cloth Paper Scissors, July/August 2008 Issue and talked about it with my friend/boss and we decided to have one to celebrate Kwanzaa at her house on January 1st. The idea was to celebrate the artist by recreating a version of yourself in that artist's style. Could be Picasso, Matisse, Dali, whomever. Supply guests with plenty of craft items to support the themed artist, in Frida's case we had beads and magazines, made brightly colored tissue flowers, buttons and cardstock. One guest made herself as a "Stephanie-In-The-Box" her self popping out of a box laden with hopes, dreams, and inspiration on all four sides, another made herself the message in a bottle and represented all of the elements on the outside with scrolls of herself, her horoscope, and family mentors inside. There were abstract Gaia goddess collages, and even a collage featuring a red bra (as in brassiere!) holding all of the wishes for a prosperous tomorrow!

My Frida-Me is a Phoenix Guardian Angel, she is the one who holds all of my promises, doling them out as appropriate, gently keeping the reborn, new and improved, 2009 model me on track!!

#69 - Completing Senior Seminar




Pennies from Heaven!! Last night I was contemplating how i was going to pay for my Senior Seminar class, the last class to complete the BFA started in 1984, restarted in 2000...Money is tight right now, need I say that? And the class is $600 some odd dollars and I really did not know where it would come from. But I put it on my "Bucket List", registered anyway and the start date is Monday the 5th. Well, this morning i get a call from my bank saying i won their customer raffle for $800!! Just like that! The Divine gifted me with $800!! Now, i can pay for my class AND the advanced belly dance class that I want to take with Sanaa!! I don'think I have ever won anything in my life, not counting the huge stuffed cow I won at a carnival game (which was pretty amazing to me as well considering that up till then, i really had never won anything of note.)

It just leads me to reflect on the time I have taken to vision, collage, journal and otherwise pay attention to my souls requests. I have recently been receiving many, many messages about patience and surrender. My tarot card reading for 2009 started with the Temperance card, my horoscope indicated that Pluto is entering a 15 year cycle that will require patience and surrender, and it talked about how to channel this into a positive. The freedom that can come with surrender. I am giving myself over the the Universe's Divine will, I know that the things i write about or am driven to collect or make imagery of, are the soul's instructions coming to the surface.

All is in Divine Order!!

Namaste.