Saturday, July 11, 2009

Update of Sorts

Have been out of the loop for quite some time computer crashed and burned, don't know if I'll be able to retrieve the stuff off of my hard drive or that "favorites" list I had so painstakingly compiled. Oh well, I'll try making the most of a fresh start. Fresh starts and reboots, all the way around. I have fallen by the wayside, backslidden, relapsed, got off of the wagon...anyway you want to slice it, I have moved away from the Who I Was in April. Allowed myself to get distracted in an unhealthy way. So, I am starting over with the vices, disentangling endless mind loops that are stuck on stupid. Thankful for another chance, that there was one more wish stuck in the bottom of the genie lamp. I'm experiencing one of those painful growth spurts but know that it is necessary and that I will come out on the other side as a better person. Reevaluting myself and the people I allow into my circle, acknowleding the need to move inward, revisit boundaries and the spiritual goals I am wanting to set. Taking the word "friendship" and holding it up to the actual thing and seeing if they even remotely resemble each other, does one fit the other? And does that definition work for me:? Too many times, friendship has been closely linked to dissappointment. And I know those that you care about will manage to dissappoint you and hurt you, some of that pain is self inflicted because you bypassed or ignored your screening process, boundaries, experience, and intuition in the formation of that relationship. Sometimes going backwards is progress.

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