Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Just Today's Reflection...

So, now I'm leaning away from just blogging about the 101 because sometimes there are other things to talk about.

I went to see a psychic the other day. I have been feeling so unsettled herelately. Not quite satisfied with anything and not quite sure why. Usually I can handle a variety of tasks on my plate with disorganized ease, just my Gemini way I guess, but more and more I have been rebelling against my inner nature and shutting down to an extent. Some would say this is the point at which breakthroughs take place...maybe. I hope so, its scary to think you may be entering a new phase of yourself that is not conducive to achieving the goals you have set for yourself.

Well, anyway, she was on point in a lot of ways. Telling me and confirming things that i already knew Now, some use that as a way to discredit what psychics do, but the fact that I did not know this woman from a can of paint, and that she was able to tell me about me specifically lends itself to validation for me.

She gave me a lot to reflect on...one point was that she stated that i am stifled creatively and that's the reason for my dissatisfaction. That the way i obtain balance in my life is to have my creative needs satisfied. Sometimes it feels like more work to incorporate creative outlets into the tide of day to day than to just go with the flow of obligation and responsibility. You even begin to doubt the enjoyment factor of the things you claim to "love to do" just for fun the longer that you are away from them. I used to be able to read for days on end, I could plow through novels, stay up all night to finish one. But I noticed, as I let the days to-to list fill in all the gaps, I was not able to sit still for a moment to enjoy the written word. I kept thinking about all the other shit that I should and could be doing. I decided, for a moment, to devote some time each night to reading, and my endurance began to build up again. Note to self: get back at it. Make that appointment with myself to do some reading each night.

And my poetry...
and my digital art...
and my collages...

It seems selfish to devote more of my already limited time to these individual pursuits but I have faith that this is the way to go. Heard it too many times as one way to be healthy.

The other reflective point was on relationships. She said I do have a relationship coming (in 6 to 9 months (WTF?!)), however, it will be a "learning one" (didn't sound very hearts and roses!) and to be sure not to be "relearning things that you already know." That has really thrown me! It is hard not to throw the veil of previous relationships over those that you are embarking on, even though we know that's not fair or effective. And of course now, every move I make will be run through the filter of "is this a repeat lesson, or is this a new and innovative, clean slate approach?" But she also mentioned to calm my mind down because it never ceases. To rely more on intuition...I have some growing to do!!

Well, we'll see how this pans out.

Every day is an adventure.

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